Did you know that my wife is so big that some years ago she stood outside the house in Rugby on a scorching hot day and a few minutes later on the news it was announced that we had just had a strange phenomenon of a mid-day partial eclipse in the midlands.
My wife's tits are so big that the other month she received a phone call from the American fire department asking her if they could borrow two of her bras in order to use them to fill with water in the hope of putting a 13 acre fire in Seattle.
The other week my wife had to throw out two pairs of her old knickers, she washed them first then threw them out, a few days later on the news it was stated that owing to an unknown source, the children in a very poor village in Nepal were now lucky enough to have both curtains for their local orphanage windows, plus material left over for 24 sets of bed lining.
After a few bad days of dizzy spells my wife's doctor ordered her to take regular periods of sleep during any part of the day, the other day whilst walking our dog Ben in the park near our home the missus felt another dizzy spell coming on, I told her to lay down for a little rest, and I carried on to say that after walking the dog round the park once more I'd take him home then come back for her, I did as I told her I would, but was bloody shocked when I returned to the park to see that my wife oversized belly had now been turned into a skateboard jump for the local kiddies.
Not saying my wife's got a big arse, but whilst bending over the other week in the park by some bushes in order to hopefully find her cigarette lighter she had just dropped a young lad who was new to the area was riding his bike, he saw this large gap and rode into it thinking that it was a quick way out of the park, the boy has since been reported as missing, and since then, the local police have sent out 4 cops with sniffer dogs, who were all found dead nearby, 3 police helicopters, who were all lost, 6 fully manned police cars, who have do this date still have been missing in the line of duty, and lastly not least, a regiment of paratroopers, but up till now only 4 out of 180 have returned safely, but who are having counselling for major trauma.
The other week my wife had baked beans on toast for lunch, 3 hours later she farted in the back garden and police were called when a neighbour reported freak winds 4 streets away, 3 nights later she drank 4 times as much tea as she normally drinks, after a few visits to the loo police were called yet again after reports of freak storms in the next village caused the streets to flood which washed away 4 sheep, and 3 cows, they were later found in our back garden, so she's having sheep and beef stew on Thursday.
After a plateful of curry and chilli the other day my wife belched about three hours later, I'm now due to see my doctor for my next appointment for the deafness clinic next Wednesday, meanwhile with decibels reaching 300 or over with my wife's actions, 2 helicopters, 4 gardeners, 6 workmen and people in the next 2 streets are suing my wife for noise pollution.
With a promise of sex with my wife in three weeks time, I have got enough time to take a crash-course in pot-holeing, and the other night in bed I turned over to give my wife a cuddle, she turned over towards me and her belly covered me, it took the local doctors for attempts of resuscitation before I finally recovered, but I still see the doctor for stress classes, but the tablets help me at night a lot.
(Hope you have a few chuckles whilst reading this, it's only meant in fun for my missus, she's lost a hell of a lot of weight now since she was first diagnosed as being diabetic.........Dr Jekyll).